Important Blog Post: Could be triggering.
It’s time to tell a secret. I don't want to be known for a pointless reason. I don't want to be known for looks, for my style, just like how some people are famous for no fucking reason. Whether it's them being scene / emo (lmfao ya they still exist), or being rude to society (cash me outside) what purpose do they have besides wanting attention? I don’t follow certain people because they put up a front for their viewers. I get it, it’s social media. But at some point when are you actually real with yourself?
Right from the beginning of my blogging, twitch stream, all of it. I came BACK to social media specifically to help people. You all know I am 100% blunt and I am very real to everyone. I don’t sugar coat shit. I didn’t even want to be back on social media after all the drama a couple years back. Being bullied to the point where I almost took my own life, not once or twice, but multiple attempts, because someone I trusted betrayed me and spilled my secrets to people I didn’t even know. They made fun of my image, my family, my disorders, and even joked around about my self harm, saying my scars will always make me ugly. All this bullying, for their personal enjoyment. Receiving messages from people who I thought were my friends, saying I was better off dead? Getting letters put into my locker telling me that my life was not important and that I was a waste of air and space. I spent a couple years in therapy, days in institutes where I was left alone and was told that feeling depressed isn’t normal. Yes, I’ve been driven to a point where I gave up. Then it clicked. No one is going to help you, but yourself. Life isn’t handed to you on a silver platter and that’s okay. Because working for something and achieving your goal is the best feeling. Getting over all the bullshit, overlooking what people thought, in the end NO ONE is going to be there for you but yourself. No one is going to love you if you can’t love yourself. It is OKAY to be sad sometimes, but don’t let it overcome you. Don’t let it drag you down, instead be stronger than it and soon NOTHING can bring you down. Funny how it is spoken from me. I fucking grew up and grew out of it. I am, what, 4 years clean? The last time I even thought about hurting my self was when I was 16 and NAIVE. I’m not a spoiled brat who whines because they don’t get what they want. I want to work for my goals. And guess what? My scars are fading and they aren’t a reminder that I’m ugly, they remind me that I’m moving on with my life and moving forward. I can only go up from here.
Let this be a reminder that EVERYONE goes through shit. You’re not alone here, and I came back to social media to help others who thought they’re alone. I’m here to remind you that I CARE about you and I’m not some random girl who likes to show off all the good shit that happens in my life. I am here to talk. I am on twitch a majority of the time just to talk to everyone. Escaping the real world and entering a virtual reality is fun, it eases the stress. Why do you think I love playing video games so much? But at some point you need to get back on track. You are loved. People do care for you. Recently social media and the tv shows glamorize suicide, self harm, and depression. (You know exactly what show I am talking about). That is NOT okay. But I won’t go too much into detail without SOMEONE getting butt hurt. But like i said, I don’t sugarcoat shit. I will show you both the good and the bad as long as there is a balance. Life isn’t about rainbows and butterflies. Snap to reality.